A Renaissance?

I am perhaps in the laziest phase of my life. I sleep for about 9 hours a day (while holding on to a job which pays me quite a lot). I wake up just in time for work. I do not exercise and have no controls on what/how much I eat.

All this makes me feel a bit unsettled. I haven't been like this in life too many times before. There might have been the odd week or two where I've gladly chosen to be a potato. But this time, its been more than a couple of months since I was active.

A few things have changed for the better though. I get lots of sleep; deep sleep. I no longer suffer from the bouts of being half-asleep and things like that. My anxiety levels have reduced, I am not as jittery or fretful as I most times am.

But I need to change. The remorse about 'wasting' my time is hitting me hard these days. I really can do so much with the amount of leisure I get. Technically speaking, there is nothing that stops me from making better use of my time. It is just an efficiency problem.

A possible cause for this condition is that I am goal less now. I really am just going with the flow of life and so far, I have been contented with where it has taken me. To change this approach towards life, I need to think hard on multiple things.

Today, I had a project performance review meeting with my boss. And I was surprised with the ratings I got. I thought I had done poorly but in the end, the feedback wasn't that bad after all. This gave me a good feeling and a stronger sense of belief in my abilities.

During that discussion, I also realized how I have stopped being diligent. As I previously mentioned, I have started taking things lightly.

I need to think myself out of this and develop a strong work ethic. This 'Renaissance' might be a bit of going back to the drawing board and start planning things.

As a start, I am determined to make good use of this three day weekend. I have promised to read a book cover to cover - Orhan Pamuk's 'Istanbul' which I purchased today. Outside that, I also want to develop an plan, a set of specific things I will start doing in order to change my ways.